Break Ups

Let's Call it OFF!

We've all had experiences with 'break-ups', so I want to talk about a few aspects of 'breaking-up'. 

                                  *My Idea of a Relationship*

People hold different opinions of the definition of a relationship. I'm a FIRM believer in the saying "single until married", which means that boyfriend's/girlfriends are temporary. Not to say dating shouldn't be taken seriously, however at any point when either person feels like the relationship has expired, they have the right to walk away. With that being said I can't quite grasp why people bring children into the world under "temporary" circumstances. 

OH.

I haven't been in many "serious" relationships, but I've learned LOTS from the ones I've been in, and for some reason, people have ALWAYS sought me for advice. I guess it's kinda my 'thing'. I also a believe that a "title" on a relationship doesn't define it. For instance, two people exclusively dating one another may not have a "title" but are known as a couple or vice verse... one or BOTH of two people may not exclusively dating one another, yet have a "title". 

• So at what point does the "break-up" come along? 
• What do you do when you realize the person you're dating isn't the person you want to date? 
• Do you hold onto someone that doesn't want to be held on to?
• Is it selfish to make a decision  based on your own needs?

No matter which end of the break-up you're on, the task isn't as easy as it seems, unless you're dating someone you don't really care about or vice verse. No one wants to be 'the bad guy', but if you're unhappy in a situation because your needs aren't being met, you have to act accordingly. Rejection is also hard to swallow, especially if the feelings about the break-up aren't mutual. I'll list a few IMPORTANT REASONS.

A few Reasons to "Call it off"

• Mental/physical/spiritual/Needs are being met. Don't short yourself, evaluate your relationship based on YOUR NEEDS and the OTHER person's needs. If either or both of you have needs that aren't being met, and it has been previously addressed, CALL IT OFF.

• LOSS of RESPECT. You know if you're partner respects you or not. If he/she is CONSISTENTLY inconsiderate of your feelings, you should take it as a sign of a lack of  respect or disrespect. A great way to earn some one's respect is by FIRST RESPECTING YOURSELF, and of course respecting your partner. If you find that your partner doesn't respect you, CALL IT OFF.

• Incompatibility. If you and your lover lack MUTUAL INTERESTS,  have dramatically opposing views on things you consider important , and/or CONSTANTLY BICKER... you're probably not that compatible. CALL IT OFF.

• Growth indifference. If you've noticed your partner is growing in a different direction in life, or not growing AT ALL due to COMPLACENCY, leave. If its simply different directions, communicate to determine if there's a possible resolution because different isn't necessarily bad, you may able to keep on another balanced.  *A complacent person is a LAZY person. You can't want more for a person who doesn't want more for themselves.  CALL IT OFF.

Although there may be PLENTY of other reasons to break-up, these are the MOST IMPORTANT to me. They are all SELF  PRESERVING, and SELF-LOVING and LOGICAL reasons to DISCONTINUE giving a person the pleasure of having you in his/her life. (And that was in Layman's terms)

I have a few tips and suggestions to help you get through a break-up; granted they may look easier than they sound, but with a little effort and A LOT of will power you, you can get through a break-up with as minimal heart-ache as possible.

If you're the person "calling it off"

1. Don't break up with the person through text. It's cowardly, and inconsiderate. (EXCEPTION: If you're dealing with a nutcase, a text will have to suffice!!! lol)
2. Don't do it in a 'heated moment'. The other person may see it as an emotional reaction and may or may not take you seriously. 
3. Don't do it in front of a large group of people. No one wants to be embarrassed and rejected at the same damn time.
4. DO explain to your lover EXACTLY WHY you feel this situation isn't what you want. If they don't appreciate your honesty, their loss, but at least you will have weightless conscious.
5.  DO encourage your ex-partner to continue to move ahead with life, and remind them that there is someone better/more suitable for them that's coming into his/her life when the timing is right. (I realize how CORNY is sounds, but if you love someone you want to see him/her at their best, even if he/she is not with you)

If you're the person being "dismissed"

1. DON'T 'act a fool'! Do not start acting crazy i.e. threats toward the other person or yourself. Losing your cool only makes you look worse and trying to gain sympathy from your lover by playing on his/her emotions pretending to harm yourself is PATHETIC.
2. DO accept what has been said to you. NO MATTER what you feel you may have given/sacrificed during the relationship, accept that someone is EXCUSING themselves from your life.
3. DON'T involve friends and family in the break-up by seeking sympathy or revenge. Were they in a relationship with y'all? If they were, THAT WAS THE PROBLEM!
4. DON'T keep living in that moment. MOVE ON! Stop talking about it to EVERY person you come in contact with. It will only cause you more heart ache, put it behind you.
5. DON'T go back into a relationship with that person. If he/or she wants you back and the 'reasons' for the break-up are still existent, what's the point? Its the start of a vicious cycle.
6. DO keep a positive outlook on life because it moves on and SO SHOULD YOU! Take this opportunity to work on improving yourself, so that you can attract a SPOUSE YOU AIM TO BE!

I hope I've brought some clarity and direction to any who reads this blog, because I'M FINALLY HERE to enlighten and guide.

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